Sunday, August 31, 2008

What I've learned in 11 months of blogging against predators

Basic premises that I’ve had about relationships have been questioned ever since I’ve started the blog last 9-26. I no longer can count on the maturity or morality of peers when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships, and understand that there are subtle, non-criminal ways that sexual predation occur – ways which can’t be criminalized unless there is a fiduciary relationship.

Parental influence is the only thing which has been constant for me, whether as a child, or now. Others come and go, but my father (and mother) was always there. Even when I didn’t want it.

A blogger said about child abusers:

It isn't a "mistake" when a grown adult has sex contact with a child any more than it is a "mistake" when someone robs a bank. These are not acts of stupidity but deliberate violations of law.

It isn’t a mistake when date rape, domestic violence, or other issues I write about occur. I have a link, You Are A Target, stating that domestic abusers target their victims, and I believe that when a marriage or a “relationship” features sexual abuse, there is adult grooming, NOT a real relationship.

From the aformentioned blogger's comment about teacher sexual abusers:

It is a known fact that predators groom their victims over time....predators take the time to find and prepare victims so that they won't see themselves as victims.

This explains why many women with “partners” accused of domestic violence/sexual assault stand by them. When you are led to believe that someone loves you, regardless of age, that belief makes you defend someone who should not be defended. This is why prosecutors press on with DV charges even when the victim doesn’t want to cooperate. This is also why in California, a DV victim can be forced to take the stand and found in contempt if she doesn’t. If DV offenders and boyfriend/husband rapists are seen as predators targeting someone’s daughter, the parallels are obvious.

Parents should talk to their minor teens about date rape and domestic violence because the main cause of violence against women is DV by “partners,” and people need to learn about this as kids because it may be too late when you are being groomed by a "lover" into a one-sided relationship.

I’m still exploring the predator angle when it comes to sexual manipulation (using sex to gain power) and sexual coercion (using power to gain unwanted sex from an adult using non-criminal methods). In a moral sense, these characters are also sexual offenders, though not in a legal sense.

If a husband uses pressure to gain sex from his wife, what differentiates him from the molester is the age and relationship to his victim. Like most molesters of kids, date, acquaintance, and "partner" rapists select their victims beforehand, groom them so the victim believes there is a real relationship, then strike.

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