The steps typical of the pattern are detailed, Cook said, in the article “Date/ Acquaintance Rape: The Crime and Criminal Profile,” by Central Michigan University associate professor Stephen M. Thompson.
1. The man selects someone who is flattered by his attention.
“And that is one of the reasons why freshmen on campus are at such high risk,” Cook said. “They’re vulnerable. They’re targeted because they’re going to be really flattered when an upperclassman invites them to this huge party.”
Usually the woman is a friend, co-worker or friend of a friend, Thompson says.
“It’s important because he is picking someone who he’ll have contact with again,” Cook said. “And probably they’ll have mutual friends and they’ll see each other again, so after he rapes her, there’s going to be a lot of pressure on her not to report it, because it would create huge upheaval in her social life.”
2. Then comes the grooming.
“This is where he’s going to really just break any kind of distrust or boundaries down by being this nice, great guy and creating a situation where she feels like she can trust him,” Cook said. “Control is important, so he might push alcohol at this point.”
If the woman returns his affection, and “if she consents in this situation then that’s great and he’s going to consider that a score,” Cook said. “But if she doesn’t consent, he’s going to go ahead and do it anyway. He believes that sex is his right.”
3. He gets her alone. About 54 percent of the time, this happens at the man’s home, Cook said. “She’ll go because he’s groomed her ... she feels like she knows him.”
4. He sends a message, using just enough aggression to intimidate the woman into not fighting back.
“He sends the message that, ‘Don’t try to resist, you’re not getting out of here until I get what I want.’ ” Cook explains. “And this is where we hear victims say time and time again, ‘I knew I was in a lot of trouble.’ And so natural reaction is to freeze up in fear, to just pray to God to just get through it. This person is capable of this, I don’t know what else they are capable of.”
The last their friends saw, the man and woman had willingly left together. “So they think, of course, it was consensual, of course she wanted to have sex,” Cook said. “But the only person who sees the intimidating, violent, forceful side of the rapist is his victim and to everyone else he’s still that great, nice guy that she left with.”
5. Placing blame.
At every step, including the last, Cook says the “nice guy” image is believable. Even the “nice guy” himself often believes what happened was OK. “So he might walk her home or kiss her goodnight, call her the next day,” Cook said. “And plant those seeds of doubt that maybe what happened wasn’t rape.”
Cook says it’s common for the woman to think, “I didn’t physically resist, I didn’t scream ‘no,’ so maybe it was mixed signals.” “That’s completely intentional on his part,” she said.
Women who report being raped by a date or acquaintance often tell similar stories about the events that led to the rape, says Corey Cook, of the Centre County Women's Resource Center.
Showing posts with label prevention. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prevention. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Army gets into the sexual assault prevention business
By Gina Cavallaro - Staff writerPosted : Tuesday Sep 9, 2008 19:20:12 EDT
In an effort to force new life into a stagnating sexual assault response program, the Army will go after sexual predators in its ranks by going after its own culture of inaction to stop a rape before it happens.
At a week-long training summit in Alexandria, Va., that began Monday, more than 250 civilians, division level general officers and their sexual assault prevention response officers are huddling with sexual violence experts to hash out a more aggressive approach to ending rape in the Army.
Army Secretary Pete Geren opened the summit by reminding his audience that in 2007 the Army’s incidence of sexual assault was 2.6 per thousand soldiers, the highest of all the services, according to a Defense Department report released earlier this year.
“This is a profound disgrace because we’re a values-based organization,” Geren said, citing the dichotomy of having soldiers like Medal of Honor recipient Spc. Ross McGinnis and Silver Star recipient Pfc. Monica Brown in the same Army with soldiers who would prey on other soldiers.
“Sexual assault is a crime that is repugnant to the core values that define our Army,” Geren said.
“Soldiers who live the Army values must not only never commit the crimes of assault or sexual harassment but must actively work to rid our Army of these crimes. It is a soldier’s duty to protect his fellow soldier from harm — on the battlefield, in the barracks, on-post or off.”
The current Sexual Assault Prevention Response program was established in 2004 and all soldiers receive training in sexual harassment and assault. But the numbers, according to many leaders, remain unacceptably high because leaders have different levels of exposure to the problem and may not even be aware of it.
The Army’s deputy chief of staff G-1, Lt. Gen. Michael Rochelle, announced the launch of a four-phase, five-year campaign to address the Army’s problem and tasked the group with developing with a set of recommendations and ideas based on the strategy.
Expecting a report by Friday, Rochelle said he wanted to identify a prevention strategy and “leverage Army values to [create a program] that will become a national model for sexual assault prevention.”
A general officer steering committee established in May by Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey identified shortfalls in the program and “now it’s time to get ideas from the division level,” said Carolyn Collins, program manager for the Army’s sexual assault and prevention response.
“We’re four years into this program and we’re kind of at a plateau in our reporting. We’re not where we want to be,” she said. “We’re getting out of the risk reduction focus and moving toward prevention, engaging soldiers in this fight. You’re not going to be a passive bystander.”
In an effort to force new life into a stagnating sexual assault response program, the Army will go after sexual predators in its ranks by going after its own culture of inaction to stop a rape before it happens.
At a week-long training summit in Alexandria, Va., that began Monday, more than 250 civilians, division level general officers and their sexual assault prevention response officers are huddling with sexual violence experts to hash out a more aggressive approach to ending rape in the Army.
Army Secretary Pete Geren opened the summit by reminding his audience that in 2007 the Army’s incidence of sexual assault was 2.6 per thousand soldiers, the highest of all the services, according to a Defense Department report released earlier this year.
“This is a profound disgrace because we’re a values-based organization,” Geren said, citing the dichotomy of having soldiers like Medal of Honor recipient Spc. Ross McGinnis and Silver Star recipient Pfc. Monica Brown in the same Army with soldiers who would prey on other soldiers.
“Sexual assault is a crime that is repugnant to the core values that define our Army,” Geren said.
“Soldiers who live the Army values must not only never commit the crimes of assault or sexual harassment but must actively work to rid our Army of these crimes. It is a soldier’s duty to protect his fellow soldier from harm — on the battlefield, in the barracks, on-post or off.”
The current Sexual Assault Prevention Response program was established in 2004 and all soldiers receive training in sexual harassment and assault. But the numbers, according to many leaders, remain unacceptably high because leaders have different levels of exposure to the problem and may not even be aware of it.
The Army’s deputy chief of staff G-1, Lt. Gen. Michael Rochelle, announced the launch of a four-phase, five-year campaign to address the Army’s problem and tasked the group with developing with a set of recommendations and ideas based on the strategy.
Expecting a report by Friday, Rochelle said he wanted to identify a prevention strategy and “leverage Army values to [create a program] that will become a national model for sexual assault prevention.”
A general officer steering committee established in May by Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey identified shortfalls in the program and “now it’s time to get ideas from the division level,” said Carolyn Collins, program manager for the Army’s sexual assault and prevention response.
“We’re four years into this program and we’re kind of at a plateau in our reporting. We’re not where we want to be,” she said. “We’re getting out of the risk reduction focus and moving toward prevention, engaging soldiers in this fight. You’re not going to be a passive bystander.”
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Signs of adult predation given by Cyberpaths
Cyberpaths is a website which exposes, pans and denounces sexual predators of adults, which can be found on online dating sites and anywhere there are vulnerable people. They give the signs below that adult sexual predators use to groom and control their victims:
-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)
-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)
-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)
-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)
(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)
Cyberpaths then goes on to say that all of these are signs of grooming, not dating, and gives this warning.
Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - but how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated? - Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see. Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you sucked in before you know what hit you.
If that's the case, then perhaps the script should be flipped - adult sexual abusers are actually the over 18 versions of child and adolesent sexual abusers. It's the people who claim true love, and then strike that are imitating those who seduce adolescents, not vice-versa.
-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)
-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")
-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)
-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)
-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)
(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)
Cyberpaths then goes on to say that all of these are signs of grooming, not dating, and gives this warning.
Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - but how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated? - Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see. Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you sucked in before you know what hit you.
If that's the case, then perhaps the script should be flipped - adult sexual abusers are actually the over 18 versions of child and adolesent sexual abusers. It's the people who claim true love, and then strike that are imitating those who seduce adolescents, not vice-versa.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
New DVD hopes to raise rape awareness
A new DVD produced under the aegis of the Corpus Christi Police Department hopes to raise awareness of the prevalence of sexual assault, especially for college students.
More From KRIS-TV (Corpus Christi, TX):
To get the point across, the producers used college students from A&M Corpus Christi as the actors.
"It was myself and then Josh, and we had to meet with the police station," said creator and former broadcast student Jennifer Gayle.
Gayle and her classmate put together a series of sexual assault commercials that meant more than a grade. For Gayle, it meant putting herself in the victim's position, a position familiar to some her friends and family.
"What do you think they would go through?" Gayle had to ask herself. "What are the emotions you think they would go through? And then you have to think, how often does this happen, and how are you going to get it to stop?
Gayle's purpose was to open people's eyes.
"I think the big issue is a lot of people say 'oh, this happens somewhere else. It doesn't happen here in Corpus,' or 'this wouldn't happen to people, it can't happen to you," Gayle said. "You cannot predict the future. All you can do is protect yourself and pay attention to your surroundings."
Valencia hopes that the information in the video leads to awareness of potential trouble situations before they get out of hand, and says that being proactive is the best approach.
Reference:
Local Commercials To Promote Sexual Assault Awareness
More From KRIS-TV (Corpus Christi, TX):
To get the point across, the producers used college students from A&M Corpus Christi as the actors.
"It was myself and then Josh, and we had to meet with the police station," said creator and former broadcast student Jennifer Gayle.
Gayle and her classmate put together a series of sexual assault commercials that meant more than a grade. For Gayle, it meant putting herself in the victim's position, a position familiar to some her friends and family.
"What do you think they would go through?" Gayle had to ask herself. "What are the emotions you think they would go through? And then you have to think, how often does this happen, and how are you going to get it to stop?
Gayle's purpose was to open people's eyes.
"I think the big issue is a lot of people say 'oh, this happens somewhere else. It doesn't happen here in Corpus,' or 'this wouldn't happen to people, it can't happen to you," Gayle said. "You cannot predict the future. All you can do is protect yourself and pay attention to your surroundings."
Valencia hopes that the information in the video leads to awareness of potential trouble situations before they get out of hand, and says that being proactive is the best approach.
Reference:
Local Commercials To Promote Sexual Assault Awareness
Sunday, October 14, 2007
PA state bill would require sex assault education
Bill to initiate program on sexual assault
Sara Ganim
STATE COLLEGE — Rep. Scott Conklin hosted a hearing Thursday in which sexual assault awareness advocates voiced the need for increased sexual assault education for incoming university students.
The hearing before the State Education Committee focused on legislation introduced by Conklin, D-Philipsburg, that would mandate a sexual violence training program that is similar to the one Penn State gives to its incoming students.
Freshmen are at an increased risk for becoming the victims of sexual assaults, Penn State’s Center for Women Resources director, Peggy Lorah, testified Thursday.
The bill, known as the College and University Sexual Violence Education Act, would use Penn State’s current 45-minute interactive program as a template for implementing an awareness program across the state, Conklin said.
The goal is to educate incoming students, who may be otherwise naive to the effects of alcohol, the laws regarding consent and ways to avoid situations that may lead to an assault, Conklin said.
Of the 250 sexual assaults reported to the Centre County Women’s Resource Center last year, 49 were from Penn State students, and about 20 were reported within the first two months of the fall semester, director Anne Ard said.
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Ard said Penn State has provided the students access to resources, opportunities to stay informed, and help for victims of assault that “makes them more likely to come forward.”
Still, rape is a crime that most often goes unreported, and more can be done, Ard said.
After public hearings, the committee will vote on whether to move the bill out of committee. Conklin hopes to have a House vote this fall, chief of staff Tor Michaels said.
Taken From Centre(PA) Daily
Bill to initiate sex assault prevention
Sara Ganim
STATE COLLEGE — Rep. Scott Conklin hosted a hearing Thursday in which sexual assault awareness advocates voiced the need for increased sexual assault education for incoming university students.
The hearing before the State Education Committee focused on legislation introduced by Conklin, D-Philipsburg, that would mandate a sexual violence training program that is similar to the one Penn State gives to its incoming students.
Freshmen are at an increased risk for becoming the victims of sexual assaults, Penn State’s Center for Women Resources director, Peggy Lorah, testified Thursday.
The bill, known as the College and University Sexual Violence Education Act, would use Penn State’s current 45-minute interactive program as a template for implementing an awareness program across the state, Conklin said.
The goal is to educate incoming students, who may be otherwise naive to the effects of alcohol, the laws regarding consent and ways to avoid situations that may lead to an assault, Conklin said.
Of the 250 sexual assaults reported to the Centre County Women’s Resource Center last year, 49 were from Penn State students, and about 20 were reported within the first two months of the fall semester, director Anne Ard said.
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Ard said Penn State has provided the students access to resources, opportunities to stay informed, and help for victims of assault that “makes them more likely to come forward.”
Still, rape is a crime that most often goes unreported, and more can be done, Ard said.
After public hearings, the committee will vote on whether to move the bill out of committee. Conklin hopes to have a House vote this fall, chief of staff Tor Michaels said.
Taken From Centre(PA) Daily
Bill to initiate sex assault prevention
Sunday, October 7, 2007
It's not dating, but grooming if there is abuse
I would like to introduce you to a term used by child sexual abuse investigators and experts - grooming. Grooming is the process where a child molester first selects, then zeros in on his child or younger teen victim (the AOC ranges from 16 to 18 in the US; 14 in Canada), then erodes boundaries so that sexual abuse can occur. This happens in five ways:
Grooming of a child victim:
1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of the child's parents be acting as a very close friend to the child (or child's parents)
3) Erosion of boundaries - i.e. convincing the child victim that "bad touch isn't truly bad if it's between a child and their special friend," and events like sleeping together, nudity, etc.
4) Escalation - child may be threatened, or (more likely) told "if you tell, they'll take me away" so the abuse continues or increases in frequency
5) The continual sexual abuse
Dating usually has these five steps:
1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of date and family (including parents)
3) Intimacy, the blurring of previous boundaries
4) Reinforcing intimacy with sexual contact
5) Sexual intercourse (though delayed until marriage for certain people)
In both cases, behaviors in the earlier stage of the process are intended to increase the likelihood of behaviors in the later stages of the process.
Why am I talking about techniques that child molesters use to seek victims along with dating? Because the same tactic is employed with victims OVER 18 as well. If dating is the closest analog to grooming, and if perps use dating to establish dominion over, then victimize, then it's not dating, but grooming of an over 18 victim.
A main difference between grooming and dating is that dating involves mutual consent (there's that word) of two people over 18 (or of similar age if both partners are teenagers under 18). Consent means reciprocity or understanding of all the implications and consequences of the sexual act. Grooming of a child is always wrong because the adults always has more knowledge and power regarding sex that the child in child molestation/statutory rape cases. There can never be mutuality in adult/child sex, only manipulation.
It can be argued that not all relationships between adults have the ability to be truly consensual. Fiduciary relationships, like those between a doctor (or therapist) & patient, and custodial relationships, between guards and jailers, preclude true consent and therefore are always considered to be sexually coerced at best or assaults at worst.
If there are significant power differences between parties, even if both are 18, and even outside of a custodial of fiduciary relationship, then a feminist argument is that such a relationship isn't truly consensual, and there can only be apparent consent. This lack of power can occur with a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, or domestic violence.
When power differences is associated with one's first sexual encounter due to CSA, then power differences may be expected with other sexual encounters in adulthood, leading to revictimization. It can also occur when a woman has been taught to be subservient to a man in sex. Lack of information can occur when there is lack of sexual experience. If there is lack of sexual experience, then the sexual, or devious motives behind an approach can be missed. Therefore, some relationships between adults over 18 may not be truly consensual because of power or information gaps. And of course, power differences are involved with forced or coerced sexual activity. Non-consensual sex is coerced at best or sexual assault at worst.
Another difference between dating and grooming when adults are involved is that grooming sets the victim up for abuse, dating doesn't. Other than this, there are no other significant differences between dating and grooming when adult victims are involved. Grooming leads to sexual, physical, and emotional victimization; dating doesn't. Grooming ends only when the victim of the perpetrator leaves - or is killed; Dating ends in breakup by either mutual consent or cheating or positively with a long term relationship or marriage.
Grooming of a child victim:
1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of the child's parents be acting as a very close friend to the child (or child's parents)
3) Erosion of boundaries - i.e. convincing the child victim that "bad touch isn't truly bad if it's between a child and their special friend," and events like sleeping together, nudity, etc.
4) Escalation - child may be threatened, or (more likely) told "if you tell, they'll take me away" so the abuse continues or increases in frequency
5) The continual sexual abuse
Dating usually has these five steps:
1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of date and family (including parents)
3) Intimacy, the blurring of previous boundaries
4) Reinforcing intimacy with sexual contact
5) Sexual intercourse (though delayed until marriage for certain people)
In both cases, behaviors in the earlier stage of the process are intended to increase the likelihood of behaviors in the later stages of the process.
Why am I talking about techniques that child molesters use to seek victims along with dating? Because the same tactic is employed with victims OVER 18 as well. If dating is the closest analog to grooming, and if perps use dating to establish dominion over, then victimize, then it's not dating, but grooming of an over 18 victim.
A main difference between grooming and dating is that dating involves mutual consent (there's that word) of two people over 18 (or of similar age if both partners are teenagers under 18). Consent means reciprocity or understanding of all the implications and consequences of the sexual act. Grooming of a child is always wrong because the adults always has more knowledge and power regarding sex that the child in child molestation/statutory rape cases. There can never be mutuality in adult/child sex, only manipulation.
It can be argued that not all relationships between adults have the ability to be truly consensual. Fiduciary relationships, like those between a doctor (or therapist) & patient, and custodial relationships, between guards and jailers, preclude true consent and therefore are always considered to be sexually coerced at best or assaults at worst.
If there are significant power differences between parties, even if both are 18, and even outside of a custodial of fiduciary relationship, then a feminist argument is that such a relationship isn't truly consensual, and there can only be apparent consent. This lack of power can occur with a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, or domestic violence.
When power differences is associated with one's first sexual encounter due to CSA, then power differences may be expected with other sexual encounters in adulthood, leading to revictimization. It can also occur when a woman has been taught to be subservient to a man in sex. Lack of information can occur when there is lack of sexual experience. If there is lack of sexual experience, then the sexual, or devious motives behind an approach can be missed. Therefore, some relationships between adults over 18 may not be truly consensual because of power or information gaps. And of course, power differences are involved with forced or coerced sexual activity. Non-consensual sex is coerced at best or sexual assault at worst.
Another difference between dating and grooming when adults are involved is that grooming sets the victim up for abuse, dating doesn't. Other than this, there are no other significant differences between dating and grooming when adult victims are involved. Grooming leads to sexual, physical, and emotional victimization; dating doesn't. Grooming ends only when the victim of the perpetrator leaves - or is killed; Dating ends in breakup by either mutual consent or cheating or positively with a long term relationship or marriage.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
legal sexual predation - a loophole in the law
With the focus surrounding sex offenders, sexually abusive teachers, and getting tough on the child sexual abuser, people need to be reminded that abuse doesn't stop at 18, and that there are sexual predators which will never target a child, but will solely target adults. Most of these predators will target women, and due to inadequate laws, will never be charged with any offense. Therefore, a woman can't check her local sex offender registry to see if he has a history of sexual assault or abuse. These perps will get away with it because of 1) the lack of physical force they will use, and 2) by only targeting victims past their 18th birthday.
Unfortunately, sexual predation does not stop at 18, or with legally chargeable rape. There are ways that a predator can legally prey on victims without causing legal consequences, but with devastating consequences to his (or less likely, her) victim. When such an event occurs, the lack of physical force coupled with the age of the victim will usually prevent formal criminal charges from occuring. There are different scenarios for sexual abuse of adults whose 18th birthday is in their past to occur without the threat of criminal charges.
One way to do this is through a combination of emotional/psychological abuse and sexual coercion. This may be done by calling the victim names like "bitch, slut, or frigid," until she submits to his sexual control. By destroying the victim's self-esteem, he makes her into a sexual object just as surely as a child molester or rapist does. The woman (or less likely, man) will then be under the thrall of a predator who has her where he wants her - under his control. There may be sex within the relationship, and she may say "Yes" 10 times, but in no way can the sex be anything other than coerced. There can not be true consent because the power difference the predator created prevents true consent in such a relationship.
A second method such a perpetrator may use is to create a situation where the victim (again over 18) becomes financially as well as emotionally dependant on him. It the predator does not allow the victim to work outside the house without abuse of any type, that's considered financial abuse. By preventing the victimized woman from earning her own money, he increases his power and control over her. She has to depend on him for all of her physical and much of her emotional needs, and if he's getting sexual favors out of the deal, he has just sexually abused her. There can be no true consent in this case either because her options are limited. This is another case where the law allows sexual abuse which leaves obvious damage.
A third method used by perpetrators is to isolate victims from their friends or family. The perp does this by telling his victim he's the only one who care about and loves her - then threatening her if she doesn't believe it. By isolation and threats, the perp makes himself the most powerful person in her life. Family members, especially parents, supportive friends, and others who are best able to help will be shut out because part of the perp's isolation includes telling the victim that her family isn't really there for her - or that they can't do anything about it.
A victim may recognize these situations and try and extract herself from it. Unfortunately, when she tries to go for help, she'll find out that as someone over 18, she won't usually be covered by statutory rape laws, and as someone who apparently consented to the sexual encounter, rape laws won't usually be applicable. So you have a person who is being victimized while her perpetrator goes scot-free.
The lack of incapacitation or physical force, coupled with the fact that the victim may have said "Yes" to the sexual encounter will label the coerced sex legal in the eyes of the law. Though pressured sex is highly immoral and degrading to the victim, without force or incapacitation, and with an over 18 victim, it is still legal sex.
The AOC protects people who are under it from sexual exploitation. However, in some cases, it can also act to mask acts which would be obviously sexual abuse if commited by an adult with a child or an under the AOC teenager. Attitudes towards women (as opposed to child) sexual assault victims, the idea that adults should be able to consent to, if not embrace sex, and the idea that a woman should submit to a man all contributes to the phenomenon of adult sexual coercion.
If a 30 year old man is with a 15 year old girl, society rightly sees that as sexual abuse. If a 30-year old woman is with a 15 year old boy, society is waking up to the fact that that's also sexual abuse. However, if two 30 year olds are in a sexual relationship, don't assume that the 30-30 pairing isn't sexual abuse. There could be power differences which makes the third pairing as unhealthy as the two previous examples. If the woman (or more rarely) the man had a history of domestic violence victimization, sexual abuse, or sexual assault, then the pairing between two 30 year olds may very well be a victim-offender pairing, and the dominant "partner" may be re-victimizing the submissive partner.
Since financial and non-physical abuse directed towards a partner is still domestic violence, the woman needs to recognize the situation and then FLEE as fast as she can before it turns into sexual abuse, physical DV, or worse. The dynamics shown above need to be taught about so more folks can know and take action to prevent further victimization.
In Milwaukee, Soujourner Truth House is a battered women's shelter which a female victim can flee to. Lovefraud is a website which is dedicated to detection and countering sociopaths (defined as those without consciences) in relationships.
Soujourner Truth House
Lovefraud
Unfortunately, sexual predation does not stop at 18, or with legally chargeable rape. There are ways that a predator can legally prey on victims without causing legal consequences, but with devastating consequences to his (or less likely, her) victim. When such an event occurs, the lack of physical force coupled with the age of the victim will usually prevent formal criminal charges from occuring. There are different scenarios for sexual abuse of adults whose 18th birthday is in their past to occur without the threat of criminal charges.
One way to do this is through a combination of emotional/psychological abuse and sexual coercion. This may be done by calling the victim names like "bitch, slut, or frigid," until she submits to his sexual control. By destroying the victim's self-esteem, he makes her into a sexual object just as surely as a child molester or rapist does. The woman (or less likely, man) will then be under the thrall of a predator who has her where he wants her - under his control. There may be sex within the relationship, and she may say "Yes" 10 times, but in no way can the sex be anything other than coerced. There can not be true consent because the power difference the predator created prevents true consent in such a relationship.
A second method such a perpetrator may use is to create a situation where the victim (again over 18) becomes financially as well as emotionally dependant on him. It the predator does not allow the victim to work outside the house without abuse of any type, that's considered financial abuse. By preventing the victimized woman from earning her own money, he increases his power and control over her. She has to depend on him for all of her physical and much of her emotional needs, and if he's getting sexual favors out of the deal, he has just sexually abused her. There can be no true consent in this case either because her options are limited. This is another case where the law allows sexual abuse which leaves obvious damage.
A third method used by perpetrators is to isolate victims from their friends or family. The perp does this by telling his victim he's the only one who care about and loves her - then threatening her if she doesn't believe it. By isolation and threats, the perp makes himself the most powerful person in her life. Family members, especially parents, supportive friends, and others who are best able to help will be shut out because part of the perp's isolation includes telling the victim that her family isn't really there for her - or that they can't do anything about it.
A victim may recognize these situations and try and extract herself from it. Unfortunately, when she tries to go for help, she'll find out that as someone over 18, she won't usually be covered by statutory rape laws, and as someone who apparently consented to the sexual encounter, rape laws won't usually be applicable. So you have a person who is being victimized while her perpetrator goes scot-free.
The lack of incapacitation or physical force, coupled with the fact that the victim may have said "Yes" to the sexual encounter will label the coerced sex legal in the eyes of the law. Though pressured sex is highly immoral and degrading to the victim, without force or incapacitation, and with an over 18 victim, it is still legal sex.
The AOC protects people who are under it from sexual exploitation. However, in some cases, it can also act to mask acts which would be obviously sexual abuse if commited by an adult with a child or an under the AOC teenager. Attitudes towards women (as opposed to child) sexual assault victims, the idea that adults should be able to consent to, if not embrace sex, and the idea that a woman should submit to a man all contributes to the phenomenon of adult sexual coercion.
If a 30 year old man is with a 15 year old girl, society rightly sees that as sexual abuse. If a 30-year old woman is with a 15 year old boy, society is waking up to the fact that that's also sexual abuse. However, if two 30 year olds are in a sexual relationship, don't assume that the 30-30 pairing isn't sexual abuse. There could be power differences which makes the third pairing as unhealthy as the two previous examples. If the woman (or more rarely) the man had a history of domestic violence victimization, sexual abuse, or sexual assault, then the pairing between two 30 year olds may very well be a victim-offender pairing, and the dominant "partner" may be re-victimizing the submissive partner.
Since financial and non-physical abuse directed towards a partner is still domestic violence, the woman needs to recognize the situation and then FLEE as fast as she can before it turns into sexual abuse, physical DV, or worse. The dynamics shown above need to be taught about so more folks can know and take action to prevent further victimization.
In Milwaukee, Soujourner Truth House is a battered women's shelter which a female victim can flee to. Lovefraud is a website which is dedicated to detection and countering sociopaths (defined as those without consciences) in relationships.
Soujourner Truth House
Lovefraud
Date rape and other sexual assault underreported
The story below is taken from the University of Georgia's Red and Black website. It is about dape rape, drugs used to facilitate it, and common precautions college age women can use to prevent it.
One 19 year old woman describes an acquaintance slipping her a spiked Corona. She passed out, and when she came to, he was all over her at his dwelling. According to statistics, 25% of college age women are raped, mostrly by someone who they either knew or knew of. While there are over 20 "date-rape" drugs, "the most common date rape drug is alcohol itself" According to Lieutenant Greg Paul of the Athens-Clarke County police.
Even if a woman is not passed out, but still drunk, sexual intercourse with an intoxicated woman is still RAPE. Period, end of sentence. There is NO such thing as consent when it comes to intoxicated victims because consent requires sobriety. Incapacitation turns what would normally be considered consensual sex into rape.
Unfortunately, sexual assault and other coercion is vastly under-reported, and more education - and stricter punishment is needed to educate college students BEFORE rape or other incidents of sexual assault occur. It is also possible for there to be sexual assault which CAN'T be legally charged if there is a lack of incapacitation or force. I'll have more on this in the next few posts.
Date Rape Underreported
One 19 year old woman describes an acquaintance slipping her a spiked Corona. She passed out, and when she came to, he was all over her at his dwelling. According to statistics, 25% of college age women are raped, mostrly by someone who they either knew or knew of. While there are over 20 "date-rape" drugs, "the most common date rape drug is alcohol itself" According to Lieutenant Greg Paul of the Athens-Clarke County police.
Even if a woman is not passed out, but still drunk, sexual intercourse with an intoxicated woman is still RAPE. Period, end of sentence. There is NO such thing as consent when it comes to intoxicated victims because consent requires sobriety. Incapacitation turns what would normally be considered consensual sex into rape.
Unfortunately, sexual assault and other coercion is vastly under-reported, and more education - and stricter punishment is needed to educate college students BEFORE rape or other incidents of sexual assault occur. It is also possible for there to be sexual assault which CAN'T be legally charged if there is a lack of incapacitation or force. I'll have more on this in the next few posts.
Date Rape Underreported
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