It's not dating, but grooming if there is abuse

I would like to introduce you to a term used by child sexual abuse investigators and experts - grooming. Grooming is the process where a child molester first selects, then zeros in on his child or younger teen victim (the AOC ranges from 16 to 18 in the US; 14 in Canada), then erodes boundaries so that sexual abuse can occur. This happens in five ways:

Grooming of a child victim:

1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of the child's parents be acting as a very close friend to the child (or child's parents)
3) Erosion of boundaries - i.e. convincing the child victim that "bad touch isn't truly bad if it's between a child and their special friend," and events like sleeping together, nudity, etc.
4) Escalation - child may be threatened, or (more likely) told "if you tell, they'll take me away" so the abuse continues or increases in frequency
5) The continual sexual abuse

Dating usually has these five steps:

1) Approach
2) Gaining trust of date and family (including parents)
3) Intimacy, the blurring of previous boundaries
4) Reinforcing intimacy with sexual contact
5) Sexual intercourse (though delayed until marriage for certain people)

In both cases, behaviors in the earlier stage of the process are intended to increase the likelihood of behaviors in the later stages of the process.

Why am I talking about techniques that child molesters use to seek victims along with dating? Because the same tactic is employed with victims OVER 18 as well. If dating is the closest analog to grooming, and if perps use dating to establish dominion over, then victimize, then it's not dating, but grooming of an over 18 victim.

A main difference between grooming and dating is that dating involves mutual consent (there's that word) of two people over 18 (or of similar age if both partners are teenagers under 18). Consent means reciprocity or understanding of all the implications and consequences of the sexual act. Grooming of a child is always wrong because the adults always has more knowledge and power regarding sex that the child in child molestation/statutory rape cases. There can never be mutuality in adult/child sex, only manipulation.

It can be argued that not all relationships between adults have the ability to be truly consensual. Fiduciary relationships, like those between a doctor (or therapist) & patient, and custodial relationships, between guards and jailers, preclude true consent and therefore are always considered to be sexually coerced at best or assaults at worst.

If there are significant power differences between parties, even if both are 18, and even outside of a custodial of fiduciary relationship, then a feminist argument is that such a relationship isn't truly consensual, and there can only be apparent consent. This lack of power can occur with a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, or domestic violence.

When power differences is associated with one's first sexual encounter due to CSA, then power differences may be expected with other sexual encounters in adulthood, leading to revictimization. It can also occur when a woman has been taught to be subservient to a man in sex. Lack of information can occur when there is lack of sexual experience. If there is lack of sexual experience, then the sexual, or devious motives behind an approach can be missed. Therefore, some relationships between adults over 18 may not be truly consensual because of power or information gaps. And of course, power differences are involved with forced or coerced sexual activity. Non-consensual sex is coerced at best or sexual assault at worst.

Another difference between dating and grooming when adults are involved is that grooming sets the victim up for abuse, dating doesn't. Other than this, there are no other significant differences between dating and grooming when adult victims are involved. Grooming leads to sexual, physical, and emotional victimization; dating doesn't. Grooming ends only when the victim of the perpetrator leaves - or is killed; Dating ends in breakup by either mutual consent or cheating or positively with a long term relationship or marriage.